Self Actualisation

Life itself huh, it's quite funny how it works. It's that one teacher that would wake up one morning, decide to give you a test, and with no preparation, get you to figure out the lesson behind it. 


Nonetheless it’s busy, so busy. We have to take care of ourselves, eat, sleep, move, work, plus friends, relationships, and parents to worry about. There’s just so much going on.


So when do we find the time to think of the lesson? Well, at any time we decide to give ourselves to it. How else are we going to learn to avoid the vicious cycle of drama, if it is not the desired outcome? By being present, in the moment and with forward thinking.



Avoidance 

Countless are the times we felt like saying “This, again?!”. I definitely did, I’m sure you did and I’m sure the universe feels the same when it sees no change of action. But why do we do it? Or even better “why do we do it to our own self?” 


Avoidance is the easiest and most hideous way of handling our shit. We’ve become too used to brushing things under the curb, we even forget their existence. No matter how big the curb is, our demons will always come back and hunt us with the worst timings ever, stripping us of opportunities, great people and mental stability.


There’s this quote that’s been doing wonders all over, to those who follow it daily

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off”. 

Yes, we like to think we’re honest, but we all lie, especially to the human in the mirror.


The truth is never easy when we try to hide from it.


What a huge self-disrespect is, to prohibit the only person that’s ever been there for us, has listened to all of our conversations, has gone through all of our sorrows, witnessed our joys and strength to survive, from knowing the truth.

And hey, it might make us feel good about ourselves in the moment, but it’s not genuine.

There’s nothing you can hide, that you know, to thyself


As Carl Rogers describes the theory of Self-Concept, as having 3 set keys to our overall concept of Self: The Self-image(how we see ourselves), self-esteem(how we feel about ourselves) and Ideal-Self(What we would like to be). 


Knowing this, the way to open the door to our own happiness and content is to aim at aligning our Self-image as much as we can with our Ideal-self, so continuously asking ourselves “Is this the person I want to be?” and be able to act on it, without fear, as it is. The achievement of that will safeguard us from cognitive dissonance(confusion within self) that prevents us to reach our fullest potential.



Asking the right “Qs?”

We all learn to ask questions, but are they relevant? Are they useful and productive? Not talking about work here… but are we using this redundant tool for our own sake?


Asking questions will always lead to an answer, whether we like it or not. And that’s why it’s important to understand the right probing. To question ourselves, our behaviours and our reactions, yet is to be open to an unexpected truth and owning it as part of our community of selves(all different shades of you, sitting at a table). 


It could be: 

  • Why am I thinking so much about this when I said I don’t care? And if I do, is it good for me to care from afar or closely?

  • Why do I laugh at their jokes if I don’t like them, do I want their attention, their validation.., what is it?

  • Why do I feel like I’m hurting someone if I tell them “No”? Where and who taught me that?

  • Is my inner child still affected by all the rejections of attention, it will hang on every yes, to avoid feeling abandoned again? How would I comfort me 10 years ago if they were in front of me?


Anything for us to truly understand what’s going on and not having to worry about certain triggers jumping out of nowhere, disrupting the calmness in our day to day.



Conclusion

Slow down, why are you rushing? There’s time!

We like to think we don’t have enough, but we do, we have an abundance of it and sometimes even too much of it, that makes us complacent.


The easiest way for us to truly make a difference at these life-tests, after understanding the WHYs and the HOWs we’d like to approach it, is to be able to breath, take the time to cool off. 


Never make decisions at the highest of impulse/emotions, because that’s when our mind is at its cloudiest. Inquire then act. 


Listen to your body, listen to your mind and at unison make the executive decision; “However this might go, I’ve done differently than last time, because I took the time to understand the last time”.

Otherwise we’ll find our self, sitting as trainee to a resentful, traumatised and self-harming auto-pilot.


Do yourself a fl and think of the worst situations you’ve found yourself in, ask why and what led to it, how you will face it next, and when there again, remember the lesson you taught yourself, which will teach you even more about your potential.


High school dropout, who emigrated from Italy to London in 2019. Spiritual being who confidently made her way to a life of contentment, freedom and individualistic thinking, in an illusive world.

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